As you know from my other posts and my communication book, I believe in the benefits of focusing on positive thoughts and not giving a fear permanent home in our heads.  I’ve put in overtime practicing this during the past year while my husband Doug has been sick with penile cancer, but holy moly, when it comes to money I struggle! 

Last week, Doug and I faced the reality that he could no longer work.  His cancer treatments and complications had taken a toll on his body and mind and it just wasn’t realistic to expect him to focus on complicated IT work and heal at the same time.  Once we’d made the decision for him to take an extended leave from work he sank into his recliner, closed his eyes and said, “I actually have hope now.”  

I was certain it was the right decision but I also felt twinges of panic deep in my belly, wondering how we’d make it without his income.  The next day I helped Doug complete applications for various benefits, like long-term disability, and wracked my brain searching for additional resources that I might be forgetting.  I held myself together, more or less, for a few days...until…a man at Social Security told me that there was a five-month waiting period and Doug had earned too much for any of his year-long illness to count toward that.  That’s when Annie lost it. 

 
 
This week's blog is brought to you by my amazing, powerful, gentle, wise husband, Doug Wilson.  As we continue to walk through the cancer jungle together, we do our best to allow ourselves to feel emotions as they come.  This brings us even closer to each other and it makes room for use to feel together - not only painful emotions but also the good stuff, like love, relief and ease.